1 Peter 3:1-2 “Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words the behavior of their wives when they see your pure and reverent demeanor.”
“If you think I am going to be a doormat, you are CRAZY!!!!” “Me? Submit to THAT GUY??? WHY???” “Doesn’t submission mean I am going to be abused?”
These days, submission has assumed terrible implications. Throughout the world, women are physically and sexually abused, many of them as little girls. No wonder many women are terrified of entering into any relationship in which they might suffer. And it was no different in Peter’s day. Then in many cultures, a man could do anything he wanted to with his wife and nobody could say anything. But this is absolutely NOT the kind of relationship that Peter is describing.
The Bible has a lot to say about submission, including the example Jesus gave us. Our verses yesterday from 1 Peter 2:21-25 showed that Jesus submitted himself to the Will of his heavenly Father. Only equals can submit to one another, and Jesus submitted himself, although he was co – equal with God the Father.
Peter is describing godly relationships between husbands and wives. One Biblical principal is “the measure you give out is the measure you will receive.” To put it differently, “what goes around, comes around.” If we want tenderness and gentleness in our relationships, we must first be tender and gentle ourselves.
My thinking about submission began to change when I entered surgery training many years ago. Most surgery residencies used to be as tough as U.S. Marine Corps training. There was a clearly defined hierarchy, and it was up to the junior staff to recognize that fact and to submit to the authority of those above them in training and experience. We were allowed to raise questions, but once those questions had been answered, we were expected to carry out orders. The lives of patients depended on our fulfilling assigned duties properly. When seconds counted, there wasn’t time for lots of debate. We were valued as doctors, but we had to bow to superior knowledge and experience.
There is a God – ordained hierarchy of authority in the family. Husbands are expected to serve as the high priests and spiritual leaders of their households. Wives are to be helpers, comforters, and edifiers. How does this work in practice?
Years ago, I was interviewing for a surgical residency when one male surgeon informed me, “Well, honey, Ah nevah known a woman suhgeon who was any damn good!” (He was from the Deep South, hence the accent.) My answer: “Sir, if I thought I was going to be no damned good, I wouldn’t be sitting here in your office!” I promise you that nobody has ever accused me of being a doormat! I have run a bush hospital in the midst of a tribal war. I have coped with all kinds of challenges as the head of that hospital. But when I leave the hospital and go home, I enter a situation in which I am the second in command, and I am happy to have it be so. (Incidentally, I handed over responsibilities as the clinical head of that hospital four years ago and I currently submit myself to a doctor much younger than I am. There is nothing wrong with submitting to authority.)
God has designed men and women differently, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. This does not mean one sex is superior to the other; it means the two sexes have been created to complement each other. My husband is my spiritual covering; he prays for me and I pray for him. I am very sensitive spiritually, almost too sensitive at times. My husband helps serve as an anchor. If I sense something spiritually, I can bring it to my husband and ask him to pray about it. If my husband gets confirmation from the Lord, then we know that this perception is really of God and not merely a distraction. But notice that I was the first one to have the perception; my husband was not. Sometimes criticisms that devastate me leave my husband unmoved – and a good thing too!
One of the important parts of this equation is that girls looking for godly husbands must find someone to whom they can feel comfortable submitting. If your boyfriend or fiance is jealous or controlling, get out of the relationship now! At the same time, guys should be looking for a girl whom they can freely serve, love, and protect. Again, if there’s something wrong with the relationship, bail out quickly! Don’t wait in hopes that your girl/guy is going to change. What you are seeing is what you are going to get.
PRAYER: Father God, we are afraid! What if we submit to someone and they hurt us? What if we choose someone and they fight us every step of the way? Lord, please heal our relationships with our boyfriends/girlfriends/fiances/spouses. Help us to learn your ways of love. In the matchless Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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