1 John 4:18-21 There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. The one who fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And we have this commandment from Him: Whoever loves God must love his brother as well.
Isn’t that a weird photo to use for a lesson on love? A small branch breaking off from a larger one, exposing a hollow spot in the process. But ask yourself this: why did the branch break off in the first place? If the branches had been perfectly united, would this smaller branch have broken off? And why is there a hollow space inside?
Many of us have come from families where love was completely conditional: You do this, you achieve this, you become this, and I will love you. But if you don’t live up to my expectations, then you are not worthy of love and I am free to break off relationships with you. These relationships are not based on love but on fear of punishment or rejection. Sometimes parents adapt the “You got an A when you should have had an A+” approach, leaving children to feel that there is no hope of ever pleasing their parents and leaving them feeling hollow inside.
Sadly, this process can even begin when children are infants. An emotionally healthy mother will begin cooing at her baby, who will then respond. As the interchange continues, the mother and baby keep increasing their responses until finally the mother hugs the baby and continues her routine chores. But a severely depressed mother does not have the emotional energy to sustain such an interchange. Instead, a depressed mother may interact once or twice with her infant but then stop. If the baby attempts to get the mother’s attention again, the mother will turn away. After awhile, the baby will learn that interactions with its mother are painful and will cry whenever the mother is around. Rather than realizing that the problem lies with the mother herself, a depressed mother will blame the infant and even label the infant as a “touch me not” baby. Little wonder if later in life such a child will find social situations difficult. Early conditioning can be very good or very terrible!
Sometimes children coming from families where love was based on performance find themselves competing with their peers wherever they go. If you have been taught that there is a limited amount of love, then the only way to earn that love is to out – perform someone else. Corporations are full of such people. Sometimes, so are churches.
Many of us are broken and splintered branches. We want to believe in a God who loves us unconditionally, but our early conditioning and a host of bad experiences get in the way. We might even feel rotten and hollow inside. But praise God, it’s not all up to us!
The first thing to know is that God loved each of us before we were ever created. God chose the color of our eyes, our hair, and our skin. God dictated how short or tall we would be and all the other wonderful things about our bodies. Unlike a depressed mother whose attention cannot be captured by her infant, God is a loving Father who has already given us life and breath and who wants a relationship with us.
The second thing to know is that if we will pray and ask God to come into our hearts and allow Him to guide our lives, He will give us His love immediately. Our biggest problem is our own inability to believe that God would really do something so wonderful. And this is where a simple prayer I have mentioned before becomes so important. The only question you have to answer is this: do you WANT to believe in a loving God? If your answer is “yes,” then take this next step. Tell God you want to believe in Him but that you are having a hard time doing so. Tell God that you are willing for him to make you willing, to change your heart and your mind so that you are able to believe. God will never force Himself on you, but if you give Him permission, He will do exactly as you have asked.
It is impossible to truly love someone else without loving God first. We can LIKE someone, but to truly love them through everything is a different matter. But when God comes into our hearts, He begins to change us and the longer we spend with God, the more loving we become.
“But,” you say, “I know people who claim to be Christians who are some of the most judgmental people going! The operative word here is “claim.” Remember, John has said, “If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” Any of you who are parents know that at any given moment, your kids can do something to embarrass you! Right then, you might like to pretend those are someone else’s kids. You might worry that others will think you are a wretched person because your kids can’t behave well. Guess what? Sometimes God’s kids don’t behave very well either. Don’t misjudge God because some of His kids misbehave.
PRAYER: Father God, we want to believe in your love. Help us to truly believe that you love us. Come into our hearts. We give you permission to clean us up in every dimension – spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Help us to love others as you love us. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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