Exodus 22:16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged in marriage and sleeps with her, he must pay the full dowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, the man still must pay an amount comparable to the bridal price of a virgin.”
It’s an old story. Handsome guy meets shy girl with little dating experience. A few kisses quickly escalate into something far more serious. And the guy murmurs, “I really love you! If you really love me, why not show me?”
Little has changed in the world since the days of ancient Israel. But what happens after the sexual act? Despite the loosening of morals in some parts of the world, in others, virginity is still highly prized. Once a girl is no longer a virgin, her chances of securing a husband are very slim. It is ironic that the same men who will seduce or even rape a girl, stealing her virginity, will then attempt to refuse to marry her because she is no longer a virgin. God knew all this, and this is why He gave this command. (Please note that these verses are talking about consensual sex and not about rape; that is a totally different matter and covered elsewhere.)
Consider the woman forced to marry her seducer: In this situation, the woman has no rights and may likely be forced into a loveless marriage. If the husband becomes tired of the woman, he may discard her, leaving her and any children without any means of support. No longer a virgin, the girl may never be able to enjoy the affection of a loving husband and a secure marriage and may struggle to support her children and herself.
Dennis Prager in his book The Rational Bible explains the position of the Torah this way: (This verse) is primarily concerned with protecting the woman, specifically her ability to marry, by protecting the worth of her virginity, which was an extremely important consideration throughout history – and remains so in traditional societies. For this reason, the Torah does not deal with a man seducing an unmarried woman who is not a virgin…
Assuming the family (and the woman in those cases where the family takes her desires into account) is in favor of the marriage, the man who seduced the virgin is obligated to marry her and to pay the bride – price. A man, therefore, must be very careful before sleeping with a virgin, even when the act is consensual, because she and her family can insist he marry her…. the Torah nevertheless considers sexual intercourse to be an act of great significance whose only rightful place is within marriage.
Whether the sexual act has been consensual or forced, the family of the woman can insist that the man marry her and pay the bride price. But sometimes the woman’s family might not agree. Perhaps the man is a known drunkard, a ne’re – do – well, who is likely to beat his wife and to leave her penniless. Fathers are to protect their daughters and to ensure that any man a daughter might marry would be good to her. In such a case, the family is still allowed to collect the bride – price without giving their daughter away.
Bride prices are costly! Here in Ghana, men becoming engaged may find themselves buying large amounts of clothing, material, shoes, jewelry, and other items. The restriction about the bride price was to discourage men from flitting from one virgin to another. We have attended engagement ceremonies in which the groom has had to present several large suitcases full of goods to the bride, in addition to paying the family money, presenting drinks, etc.
APPLICATION: What is so sad when we consider these verses is the number of young women from broken families with absent or disinterested fathers. The Biblical view of women is that their fathers and husbands should protect them. Sadly, many women find themselves having to defend themselves for lack of any backup from relatives. Forced to rely on themselves from an early age, such women may find it quite difficult to trust anybody and may have very low expectations for their husband if they do marry.
It is a proven fact that men and women coming from broken homes with fathers who have failed them find it very difficult to grasp the idea that God is a good Father. How can you believe something about God when you have never experienced it in your own life?
PRAYER: Father God, we call you that but for many of us, we really don’t understand what it means to have fathers who will protect us, guide us, and lead us into right paths. Lord, please help all who read this devotional to have such a vivid experience of your love, your mercy, and your grace, that they will realize YOU are far better and far more than the earthly fathers who have failed them. In the matchless Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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