2 Samuel 13:1 – 22 “After some time, David’s son Amnon fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of David’s son Absalom. Amnon was sick with frustration over his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed implausible for him to do anything to her.
Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimeah. Jonadab was a very shrewd man, so he asked Amnon, “Why are you, the son of the king, so depressed morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”
Amnon replied, “I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
Jonadab told him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare it in my sight so I may watch her and eat it from her hand.’”
So Amnon lay down and feigned illness. When the king came to see him, Amnon said, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, so that I may eat from her hand.”
Then David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Please go to the house of Amnon your brother and prepare a meal for him.”
So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked them. Then she brought the pan and set it down before him, but he refused to eat. “Send everyone away!” said Amnon. And everyone went out.
Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, so that I may eat it from your hand.”
Tamar took the cakes she had made and went to her brother Amnon’s bedroom. And when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said, “Come, lie with me, my sister!”
“No, my brother!” she cried. “Do not humiliate me, for such a thing should never be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! Where could I ever take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel! Please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” But Amnon refused to listen to her, and being stronger, he violated her and lay with her.
Then Amnon hated Tamar with such intensity that his hatred was greater than the love he previously had. “Get up!” he said to her. “Be gone!”
“No,” she replied, “sending me away is worse than this great wrong you have already done to me!”
But he refused to listen to her. Instead, he called to his attendant and said, “Throw this woman out and bolt the door behind her!”
So Amnon’s attendant threw her out and bolted the door behind her. Now Tamar was wearing a robe of many colors, because this is what the king’s virgin daughters wore. And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her robe. And putting her hand on her head, she went away crying bitterly.
Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has your brother Amnon been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this thing to heart.”
So, Tamar lived as a desolate woman in the house of her brother Absalom.
When King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad, because he hated Amnon for disgracing his sister Tamar.”
It’s a horrible story, but one springing from the problems of a polygamous household headed by a morally ambiguous father. Tamar and Absalom are siblings – same mother, same father; meanwhile, Amnon is a step – brother fathered by David but with a different mother. Amnon lusts after Tamar and finds a way to get her to come to him by pretending to be sick. Amnon sends for David, his father, and then begs for Tamar to come make cakes for him and feed him. Say what??? David must be a special kind of stupid if he can’t see what’s going to result from this request. This is the palace, and there are servants all over the place. Why doesn’t David ask some more pointed questions, questions such as “Why are you asking for Tamar to come, and why does she have to prepare the food in front of you?” Surely, David knows in his heart what Amnon is about to do. Tamar is David’s daughter, for goodness’ sake! What father is careless enough to allow his virgin daughter into such a situation? But David goes ahead to order Tamar to go, and Tamar has no choice. The result is a horrible tragedy for Tamar.
Even when Tamar finds out what Amnon wants, she urges Amnon to do the honorable thing, to ask for her hand in marriage from their father. But Amnon isn’t interested in a wife; he just wants Tamar and he wants her right now! Amnon rapes Tamar and then despises her because she reminds him of the sin he has just committed. Now Amnon throws Tamar out of his house as if she is the one who raped him, rather than the other way around. Tamar runs to Absalom, who shelters her but who hates Amnon for disgracing his sister. David is furious but does nothing. What can David do? Everybody knows what David did with Bathsheba; it was virtually the same thing that Amnon has just done, only worse. At least Amnon only raped an unmarried virgin; David raped a married woman and had her husband killed.
APPLICATION: It was one of the saddest cases I have seen. A beautiful 15 year – old girl came to see me with her head and face nearly completely covered. When I spoke with this young lady, she didn’t even make eye contact with me, an unusual thing in the local culture. The girl persistently hung her head down and spoke in a low monotone when questioned. What was wrong? This girl was from a small village with a single male school teacher. Nine months earlier, the girl’s mother had sent her to the school teacher, carrying food for his supper. Why did the mother do this? Perhaps the mother thought that the school teacher would fall in love with her daughter and would want to marry her. But instead, the school teacher had raped her and had then paid for her to have an abortion when she became pregnant. (This kind of thing happens frequently in rural villages.) The family had just now learned of the situation and wanted to make a police case of the incident. The family was demanding that I should do a physical examination on the girl. All that I could tell the family was that the girl was definitely not a virgin. Now this poor girl was traumatized, her life wrecked, with little hope for a better future, all because her mother was a foolish schemer.
Let’s be blunt! King David was a lousy father! Not only did David insist on satisfying his lust for a married woman, but he arranged for her husband to be killed. As a result of David’s misdeeds, his family and subordinates lost much of their respect for him. Given David’s horrible example, David’s son Amnon had no remorse about raping his half – sister. Why should he marry a half – sister when he might get more money by marrying some other rich young lady? Fathers are supposed to protect their daughters, but David set Tamar up to be violated. There’s no way that David was so naïve that he failed to realize what Amnon intended. So David was “furious” after the fact; big deal! Tamar’s life was still wrecked, and her brother Absalom now hated Amnon for the rape and David for facilitating it in the first place.
When Nathan confronted David over the incident with Bathsheba, David repented for that incident. But David failed to change his attitude toward his own children. For kings, fathering children was a mark of strength and power; however, that was the extent of it. David failed to teach his children, to guide them, or to be careful in his own actions so that he set a good example for his kids. As far as David was concerned, Tamar was just one more pretty daughter, but he did not value her as he should have. Poor Tamar!
Many of us have fathers who may have failed us in some fashion, and it’s tempting to be resentful and angry. But we have a Heavenly Father who is not like David and who does value us. We are not dependent on whatever our earthly fathers did or failed to do. We can turn to God and ask Him to make up the deficiencies.
PRAYER: Father God, thank You for loving us and for caring for us. Lord, many of us feel that our fathers have failed us, but we know that You will never fail, that You will always be with us. Lord, please help all who read this devotional to turn to You and to trust Your love. Heal the hurts and mend broken hearts. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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