Matthew 18: 15-17 Dealing with a Sinning Brother
“Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”
“I can’t believe what he/she said about me! How could they tell such lies! Now everybody is going to think that I am really that kind of person!” No matter how dedicated people are, they can jump to conclusions, make mistakes, and then share information indiscriminately, leaving friends’ reputations in tatters behind them. Is there anything we can do when we face such problems? How can we bring reconciliation and forgiveness to such situations? Here Jesus lays out a concrete means of conflict resolution.
“Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” Notice that Jesus is speaking about another believer offending us. There are different rules for handling non-believers, mainly forgiveness without requiring an apology.The first action we should take is to go to our brother or sister privately and begin by asking, “I have heard that you are saying/doing________. Is that true, or is someone trying to spread vicious rumors about you?” Remember that not everyone who brings you information is neutral; many people have their own hidden agendas. Some church members simply live for the chance to cause as much hurt and misunderstanding as possible. It’s possible that there are two victims here: both your brother and you. The same individual who has carried a tale to you might be carrying tales about you to others.
But suppose that your brother or sister really has needlessly offended you. You have gone to them privately but have not been able to achieve resolution. What now?
“But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ “The next step is to take two spiritually mature people whom you can trust and meet with the person who has offended you. (Jesus says “one or two,” but personally, I advise two.) As these people listen while you discuss things with your offender, they may offer advice that will result in conflict resolution. These people will also serve as witnesses in case your offender is obdurate and refuses to apologize, even though he/she obviously has done something wrong. You must give these two witnesses permission to correct you in case you are at fault in some manner. This exercise is not merely to establish who’s right and who’s wrong but to bring out truth as well as peace. If you have truly offended your accuser, you too must apologize. The formula of two observers is followed in Biblical legal trials. It requires 2 witnesses who both agree before anyone can be considered guilty.
Step three is the final and most wide-reaching step. “And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” By this point, you had best be very sure of your grounds, for the last thing you want to do is to accuse anyone unjustly. This is why the second step involving witnesses is so important. Those witnesses can advise you as to whether it is time to inform the church or to give the individual more time to think about it. The last thing you want to do is to expose someone’s faults prematurely when they are about to apologize.
What happens when someone fails to follow these steps appropriately? Several years ago, I was helping resuscitate an intoxicated patient with a fractured femur. Those who suffer such injuries can lose up to 4 pints of blood in the thigh from bleeding, throwing them into shock. Because the patient was beginning to go into shock, I had to slap the back of his hand to raise the veins so that I could insert a large-bore IV, run drip fluid, and blood, and save his life. This gesture is a common one that doctors and nurses do several times a day and does not hurt the patient. Imagine my shock when I was hauled into a hospital management team meeting several months later and accused of “beating the child’s hand.” By that point, I couldn’t even remember what had happened, apart from the fact that my husband and I had had to cut up one of our personal student mattresses and use it as a splint because the boy kept losing the pulses in the foot when we tried to splint the leg more conventionally.
The individual who reported me was someone with little or no medical training or experience in resuscitating a trauma patient. I am a certified instructor in Advanced Trauma Life Support with a great deal of experience. Had this person come to me privately, I could readily have explained my actions; however, this individual was hell-bent on shaming me. I refused to expose this individual’s ignorance, choosing instead to simply state that I had done my best and that the patient had survived with his leg intact.
Why didn’t I attempt to resolve things with my accuser? At that time, a political situation existed that would have made such an attempt fail or result in more chaos and divided loyalties among the hospital staff. I chose instead to forgive the individual and simply to have as little to do with them as possible. You must pick your fights, and sometimes it’s simply not worth it. May God help us to live in harmony with other believers, including those who are difficult!
PRAYER: Father God, thank You for loving us and for caring for us. Lord, help us to follow Your example, for You give rain to the just and the unjust and You continue to bless us even though we don’t deserve it. Help us to forgive when others offend us. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
Burunche's Blog 
Leave a comment