Genesis 25:1-10 Now Abraham married again. Keturah was his new wife, and she bore him several children: Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak, Shuah. Jokshan’s two sons were Sheba and Dedan. Dedan’s sons were Asshurim, Letushim, and Leummim. Midian’s sons were Ephah, Epher, Hanoch, Abida, and Eldaah.
Abraham deeded everything he owned to Isaac; however, he gave gifts to the sons of his concubines and sent them off into the east, away from Isaac.
Then Abraham died, at the ripe old age of 175, and his sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Mach-pelah near Mamre, in the field Abraham had purchased from Ephron the son of Zohar, the Hethite, where Sarah, Abraham’s wife, was buried.
If you do the math, by the time Sarah dies, Abraham is already 137 years old; however, God blesses him so that he is able to marry again, a lady named Keturah, and father six more sons. After deeding everything to Isaac, Abraham makes generous gifts to these men and sends them eastward so they won’t be tempted to compete with Isaac.
When Abraham dies at age 175, Ishmael is at least 88 and Isaac is 75. Setting any old differences aside, the two men come together to bury Abraham in the cave of Mach-pelah where Sarah is buried. Isaac is the son of promise, inheriting Abraham’s spiritual legacy and much of his wealth. In the past, Abraham has prayed over Ishmael, and God has promised to make Ishmael great. (Genesis 17:20 “I shall cause him to multiply and become a great nation.” And God repeats this promise to Hagar in Genesis 21:18) God does grant Ishmael twelve sons, each of whom becomes the chief of his own tribe. But the most important thing about these few verses is that Abraham’s boys cooperate on his funeral. As carefully as the Bible scribes have been to record every small detail, if Ishmael and Isaac had fought over their father’s funeral, that fight would have been recorded down to the last syllable.
Think about it: Ishmael is the first-born, and under the customs of many tribes, Ishmael should inherit, no matter whether his mother is a concubine or a wife. But God has decreed that Isaac, the son of promise, must inherit from Abraham. In modern parlance, Isaac is the “chosen child.” And Ishmael is a difficult character, far more comfortable hunting in the wilderness than remaining in tents. God blesses Ishmael according to Ishmael’s nature, just as He blesses Isaac.
There are some families where siblings get along well, and then there are other families where sibling rivalries can be vicious. One set of twins spent decades distancing themselves from each other because each thought the other was their father’s favorite. In fact, their father was a good man; however, he had been raised by older siblings when his mother died, and he had never learned how to express affection. When one twin was doing something outstanding, the father would praise that twin to the other. “Look at your brother! Isn’t that great?” Blessedly, God brought timely reconciliation, but years of fellowship were lost because of that wrong belief. And there are parents who truly favor one child over all the others, frequently with disastrous results.
Some families have done well until a parent dies, and it’s time for the estate to be settled. Siblings fighting over stuff may refuse to speak to one another for years. But it’s hard to say “I’m sorry” to a grave. Promising to reconcile “tomorrow” is worthless, for that tomorrow may never come.
How does God want us to relate to our siblings? How can He bring comfort? Ephesians 4 has a lot to say about getting along with difficult people. Ephesians 4:2-3 tells us, “Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Try always to be led along together by the Holy Spirit and so be at peace with one another.” Most of us want to give ourselves a “free pass” to behave badly, stating all kinds of excuses; meanwhile, we rush to judge others severely. When I was a child, my parents used to warn me that when I pointed one finger at someone else, I had three fingers and a thumb pointing back at me, indicating that I was just as at fault as the person whom I was criticizing.
Ephesians 4:26-27 warns us, “If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; for when you are angry, you give a mighty foothold to the devil.”
It’s true that “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Ephesians 4:31-32 advises, “Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ.”
But what if someone has really hurt you badly, so badly you can scarcely even think about that person? The father of the famous Christian author and teacher, C.S. Lewis, was a selfish and difficult man, insensitive to the needs of both his sons. Once Lewis became a Christian, he had to continue to forgive his father as an act of will, until one day he realized that he had succeeded. Incidentally, this process of forgiveness took years.
Notice something else: Forgiving someone who has hurt you, even loving them, does not mean you have to trust them if they have proven themselves untrustworthy. Unless God specifically orders you to make yourself vulnerable, you are not obligated to expose yourself to further abuse. But there are exceptions. Saint Paul was stoned in Lystra; however, God preserved him, and he later returned to the city to teach new converts. God used Paul to demonstrate His mighty power to the unbelievers at Lystra.
As we consider the miracle of Ishmael and Isaac cooperating to perform their father’s funeral, we should examine ourselves. Have we been harboring grudges against anyone, particularly against any of our siblings? If God brings anyone to mind, ask God to help you and then forgive! Why carry a load of anger around so it can eat into your soul? And there is this about forgiveness: the more you forgive others, the easier it becomes. Remember that God forgives us when we confess our sins. If the Judge of the whole earth can forgive that readily, how can we lesser beings continue to hold grudges?
PRAYER: Father God, thank You for loving us and caring for us. Lord, many of us are walking wounded, hemorrhaging spiritually from hurts inflicted by family and acquaintances. We confess that we are sinners and that we cannot free ourselves from our own sins, let alone forgive others. Please, Lord, forgive us our sins and grant us the courage and the grace to forgive all those who have hurt us, whether intentionally or unintentionally. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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