Genesis 31:43 – 53 “But Laban answered Jacob, “These daughters are my daughters, these sons are my sons, and these flocks are my flocks! Everything you see is mine! Yet what can I do today about these daughters of mine or the children they have borne? Come now, let us make a covenant, you and I, and let it serve as a witness between you and me.”
So Jacob picked out a stone and set it up as a pillar, and he said to his relatives, “Gather some stones.” So they took stones and made a mound, and there by the mound they ate. Laban named it Jegar-sahaduth(Aramaic for “heap of witness,” but Jacob called it Galeed.(Hebrew for “heap of witness)
Then Laban declared, “This mound is a witness between you and me this day.” Therefore the place was called Galeed. It was also called Mizpah (watch tower), because Laban said, “May the LORD keep watch between you and me when we are absent from one another. If you mistreat my daughters or take other wives, although no one is with us, remember that God is a witness between you and me.”
Laban also said to Jacob, “Here is the mound, and here is the pillar I have set up between you and me. This mound is a witness, and this pillar is a witness, that I will not go past this mound to harm you, and you will not go past this mound and pillar to harm me. May the God of Abraham and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us.” So Jacob swore by the Fear of his father Isaac.
By this point, Laban realizes that he’s fighting a losing battle. God has already warned Laban not to say anything either bad or good to Jacob; while Laban might not fear Jacob, God has definitely frightened him! But Laban can’t give up without making noises as if he is still the one in control. Laban is still trying to claim all Jacob’s family and his possessions; however, Jacob has fulfilled every condition that Laban has set, no matter how demanding or unreasonable that condition might be. And Laban has begun to realize that if God has blessed Jacob to this extent, Jacob and his family might prove to be a danger in the future. Now Laban proposes a covenant, but a covenant for which there is physical evidence. What Laban was proposing was a fairly common practice at that time – the construction of a mound of stones that would memorialize that covenant.
Agreeing with Laban, Jacob picks up a large stone and sets it up as a pillar; other relatives then create a heap of stones around the large stone. Laban calls on his god and Jacob calls on God to witness the agreement and to enforce it. These vows were deadly serious ones; both Laban and Jacob expected retribution from heaven if they broke the covenant agreement. After setting up the heap of stones, Jacob offers a sacrifice and invites his relatives to eat with them. The next day, Laban and his company take their leave, returning home.
APPLICATION: What does this passage teach about forgiveness? Laban scarcely acts as an ideal model; however, he does recognize the futility of continuing to pursue Jacob. Sometimes there are no neat solutions to a personality conflict and the most you can hope for is a solution on which both sides can agree. Notice that while Laban is still grumbling about his losses, Jacob does not answer him as he has in the past. Clearly, Laban has made every attempt to misuse and cheat Jacob and only God’s intervention and Jacob’s hard work has saved Jacob from winding up a pauper. But this time, Jacob refuses to argue.
In the process of forgiveness, there is a time for discussion; but at some point, you must move past discussions to find some kind of solution. Jacob realizes that Laban’s arguments are no longer important, so he ignores them. Has Jacob really forgiven Laban? Not necessarily, but Jacob realizes it’s time to move forward. Laban suggests a covenant, but Jacob is the one who sets up the large pillar and then asks others to gather smaller stones to pile around the pillar.
Years ago, we were in a training program for missionaries. In the program with us was a couple who were also slated to go to Africa. But while the husband was a former missionary kid for whom Africa was home, the wife struggled with every aspect of the program. Unfortunately, we were in the same small group with this couple and we were obviously enjoying the program immensely. For some reason, the wife chose to focus all her fear, rancor and resentment on us, making vicious comments and even complaining about us to the leaders of the program. (We had minimal contact with this lady outside our classes.) The program leaders did not handle the situation well; instead, they allowed these complaints to be aired in an open meeting, leaving us stunned and horrified. We were willing to forgive this unfortunate lady; however, she steadfastly refused to forgive us for our sins of enjoying what she could not. Finally, we had to accept the fact that there would be no such thing as closure in this situation. All we could do was to forgive this lady and leave God to heal whatever hurts she had. Emotionally, we set up a pillar; we refused to obsess about this lady’s complaints and every time we thought of her, we forgave her all over again.
Forgiveness is not a one – time act. There are many times when we must set up pillars and then refuse to trespass beyond those limits. C.S. Lewis, the famous Christian author, struggled for years to forgive his father for emotionally battering him. Repeatedly, Lewis would remember some hurt his father had inflicted and would have to forgive all over again. But one day Lewis realized that the burden of resentment against his father was gone completely.
Got a problem with somebody who has no interest in coming to any agreement with you? Make a decision that you are going to forgive and set up an emotional pillar. If necessary, have some physical object that will remind you of your decision. Then every time Satan wants you to start obsessing about your hurts all over again, point to your pillar and choose to forgive. It works!
PRAYER: Father God, help us to choose to forgive even when those who have wronged us have no interest in repenting themselves. You have forgiven us and Jesus has died so that we will have forgiveness of our sins. Help us to forgive others and to covenant with ourselves to leave those matters with you. In the matchless Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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