2 Samuel 3:22 – 39 “Just then David’s soldiers and Joab returned from a raid, bringing with them a great plunder. But Abner was not with David in Hebron because David had sent him on his way in peace. When Joab and all his troops arrived, he was informed, “Abner son of Ner came to see the king, who sent him on his way in peace.”
So Joab went to the king and said, “What have you done? Look, Abner came to you. Why did you dismiss him? Now he is getting away! Surely you realize that Abner son of Ner came to deceive you and to track your movements and all that you are doing.”
As soon as Joab had left David, he sent messengers after Abner, who brought him back from the well of Sirah; but David was unaware of it.
When Abner returned to Hebron, Joab pulled him aside into the gateway, as if to speak to him privately, and there Joab stabbed him in the stomach. So Abner died on account of the blood of Joab’s brother Asahel.
Afterward, David heard about this and said, “I and my kingdom are forever guiltless before the LORD concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner. May it whirl over the heads of Joab and the entire house of his father, and may the house of Joab never be without one having a discharge or skin disease or who leans on a staff or falls by the sword or starves.”
(Joab and his brother Abishai murdered Abner because he had killed their brother Asahel in the battle at Gibeon.)
Then David ordered Joab and all the people with him, “Tear your clothes, put on sackcloth, and mourn before Abner.” And King David himself walked behind the funeral bier.
When they buried Abner in Hebron, the king wept aloud at Abner’s tomb, and all the people wept. And the king sang this lament for Abner:
“Should Abner die the death of a fool?
Your hands were not bound, your feet were not fettered.
As a man falls before the wicked, so also you fell.”
And all the people wept over him even more.
Then all the people came and urged David to eat something while it was still day, but David took an oath, saying, “May God punish me, and ever so severely, if I taste bread or anything else before the sun sets!” All the people took note and were pleased. In fact, everything the king did pleased them. So on that day all the troops and all Israel were convinced that the king had no part in the murder of Abner son of Ner.
Then the king said to his servants, “Do you not realize that a great prince has fallen today in Israel? And I am weak this day, though anointed as king, and these men, the sons of Zeruiah, are too fierce for me. May the LORD repay the evildoer according to his evil!”
As a pragmatic leader, David has received Abner and has offered him hospitality, sending him away in peace. David knows that Abner is now on his side and is confident that Abner will deliver on his promises of support. Now Joab returns. Joab hates Abner for killing his brother Asahel, even though it was Asahel who foolishly pursued Abner and refused to heed Abner’s warnings not to attack him. But Joab is only bent on revenge, without any consideration for the ripple effect that might result if he kills Abner. “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” is all Joab can think about.
Joab sends messengers after Abner, who returns, assuming that David wants to meet him again. As soon as Abner returns, Joab slays him in the corner of the gateway. What a mess! Joab has made David appear to be a traitor, allowing the murder of a man he has already sent away in peace. Such an act is a major violation of traditional hospitality and an outrage. If David doesn’t do some kind of damage control swiftly, he will lose all the good will that Abner has built up for him. How can David recover publicly from Joab’s stupidity?
The first thing David does is to openly distance himself from Joab and his family. “Afterward, David heard about this and said, “I and my kingdom are forever guiltless before the LORD concerning the blood of Abner son of Ner. May it whirl over the heads of Joab and the entire house of his father, and may the house of Joab never be without one having a discharge or skin disease or who leans on a staff or falls by the sword or starves.” Whoof! That’s a pretty comprehensive curse, and one that reaches through all generations at that! The next thing David does is to order Joab and all the people with him to tear their clothes, put on sackcloth, and mourn for Abner. David himself walks behind the funeral bier. When they bury Abner in Hebron, the king weeps aloud at Abner’s tomb, and all the people weep with him. David even composes a special poem in honor of Abner. Finally, David fasts until sundown as a sign of grief and shame. Combined together, David’s acts assure all the people that David has never wanted Abner to and that he has had no part in Abner’s death. People are both pleased and relieved; they are ready for some peace and stability. David’s actions reassure all of Israel that he has respected Abner and that he has had no hand in Abner’s death.
APPLICATION: Unlike Saul, David is humble enough to realize that he cannot depend on himself, but only on God. “And I am weak this day, though anointed as king, and these men, the sons of Zeruiah, are too fierce for me. May the LORD repay the evildoer according to his evil!”
David was willing to receive Abner and trust him to deliver on his promises of support because David had already tested Abner in battle. Having lived in Saul’s household, David was well away of Ish – bosheth’s weak personality. David knew that Ish – bosheth was not king material, and that it was Abner who was really wielding power. When Abner changed sides, David realized that God was working in Abner’s heart to turn public opinion toward David. But now David has a huge problem.
Ever since Abner killed Asahel, all Joab can think of is revenging his brother by murdering Abner, even though this death took place in the midst of a battle. Joab is no statesman, and his family loyalties outweigh his loyalty to David. Joab kills Abner with no thought for the embarrassment this might bring to David or the damage it might do to David’s bid to become king.
If you have ever run an organization or a business, you can probably identify with David! No matter how careful you might be with your public relations, one of your subordinates may still say something or do something that will undermine everything for which you have worked! But David recovered from this situation, and you can recover also.
- Distance yourself from the person who has embarrassed you. If possible, explain publicly that you had no part in the unfortunate action. If you have witnesses who can speak on your behalf, let them speak boldly and let them speak now!
- Graphically demonstrate your grief over the unfortunate action. David mourned as if Abner had been his brother, and everyone saw how David humbled himself. This is no time for your ego to get in the way! If your subordinate has offended someone, you must go to that individual and abjectly apologize. Don’t waste time making excuses; an excuse is not an apology. You may have to settle for saying, “I’m dreadfully sorry that this happened and that you were hurt. How can I make it up to you?”
- Pray! Pray! Pray! Jesus told his disciples, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Your job in this situation is to make peace as thoroughly as possible. Pray before you do anything. Pray before you meet the aggrieved party. Pray internally during your meeting. And pray after your meeting, that your meeting will have had God’s effect and nothing else.
- Trust that God can redeem situations that appear hopeless. Continue to pray for everyone, particularly for the person who brought about the problem in the first place.
PRAYER: Father God, thank You for loving us and for caring for us. Lord, someone who is reading this needs these words. Help all who find themselves in difficult positions to turn to You, to trust You, and to rest in You, knowing that You can solve problems far better than we can. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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