Matthew 19:1-10 Marriage and Divorce
“Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”
He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
In the beginning, God ordained marriage as the coming together of two people, not only sexually, but spiritually as well and intended it to be a permanent union. The Mosaic Law allowed a man to divorce his wife if she was promiscuous; interestingly, wives were not allowed to divorce their husbands. Wives were also viewed as property, especially since a wife or concubine could be bought. Moses warned that if a woman did not please a man, he was not allowed to reduce her benefits on that account.
Over the ensuing centuries, rabbis bent on interpreting the Law had developed all kinds of lists of sins for which a man might divorce his wife, including burning the dinner, shouting so loudly that those in the next house could hear her, etc. Rabbi Akiba even suggested that a man could divorce his wife if he found a woman who was more beautiful. (Enduring Word Commentary on Matthew 19)
This morning, the religious professionals have swooped down on Jesus as he is teaching and are now questioning him. These fellows have traveled all the way to the part of Judea beyond the Jordan, just so that they can harass Jesus and possibly trip him up and humiliate him. As usual, the joke is going to be on them.
” The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Why are these men asking the question in these words? They already know what the rabbis have taught, for their own teachings apart from Scripture allow them to divorce at will.
Not only does Jesus not affirm the current practices of the Pharisees, but he goes on to say that the only reason Moses allowed a certificate of divorce was “because of your hardness of heart.” OUCH! This is not the answer the Pharisees have been hoping for or expecting. Jesus proceeds to indicate that adultery is the only valid ground for divorce. Notice that the disciples are little better than the Pharisees, for when Jesus answers the Pharisees, the disciples immediately ask, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Obviously, these guys have bought into the same idea as the Pharisees, namely, that they can divorce their poor wives at will while their wives are stuck with them, no matter what.
Ever since this encounter between Jesus and the Pharisees, there have been critics who have taught that divorce for any reason is wrong and have used this teaching to bludgeon those who have gone through divorce. Some religious critics even postulate that if you are divorced, you cannot be a true follower of Jesus or else you are a second-class follower. But is this true? Can you be divorced and possibly remarried and be a disciple?
The reasons for divorce are numerous and complicated. Those seeking the thrill that goes along with first being in love may wrongly believe that once that thrill is gone, a marriage should be over and they should discard the current spouse, seeking that same thrill with another person. But God has never intended that thrill to be a permanent thing; instead, what should take its place is something far deeper and far more abiding. Thrill seekers will simply move from one person to the next while those who want true relationships will realize that such relationships take time and work and there is nothing short-term about them.
Many divorces stem from some kind of abuse, whether physical, mental, emotional, or even spiritual. Several years ago, we were part of a training group that included a woman whose husband had recently revealed his involvement in witchcraft. This woman was enduring incredible tortures such as finding the foundation of her house painted with human blood, foul things left in her mailbox, etc. This woman had remained in the marriage until these things began happening, but was finally suing for divorce. Many women-and some men-find themselves in physically or emotionally abusive relationships. Some people find themselves yoked to someone involved in gambling, drugs, alcohol, or other compulsive behaviors that threaten the safety and well-being of the family. God is not going to curse someone who is fleeing a bad situation to save their own lives or the lives of other family members.
Does God have second-class disciples in His Kingdom? NO!!! Jesus pardoned the thief on the cross and called Saul to follow him after Saul had masterminded the deaths of many believers. Jesus re-commissioned Peter after Peter betrayed him three times. Those saved through the efforts of Prison Fellowship and other jailhouse ministries are proof that nobody is beyond the reach of God’s mercy and grace. All disciples are first-class disciples; some of them are simply further along in their Christian Walk than others.
How are those disciples who have not suffered through divorce supposed to regard those who have done so? The same way they would regard someone who has been delivered from addiction to pornography, gambling, drugs, overeating, or any other problem. We are to leave judgment to God and extend grace and mercy, realizing that we too have failings for which others might reasonably judge us. Remember that the fruits of the Holy Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gratefulness, gentleness, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) Nowhere in that list is there any mention of judgment or self-righteousness.
Should marriage be for a lifetime? Yes. But sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. When those things happen to us or to others, remember that God’s love and mercy and grace never end and that we can still be disciples as long as we continue to passionately follow Jesus.
PRAYER: Father God, thank You for loving us and for caring for us. Lord, help us to refrain from judging others about their fitness for discipleship and help us to be loving, merciful, and gracious. Also bless all the marriages of those reading these words. May those marriages become havens of peace and contentment. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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