Exodus 20: 12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
Reading the Ten Commandments and realizing God wants us to keep them to have peace can be very painful. While some parents are wonderful, wise, loving, and encouraging, there are others who are not. Sone parents are abusive, physically, mentally, or emotionally; however, other parents are incredibly selfish, expecting their children to take care of them, rather than their caring for their children. Some parents favor one child over another, withholding affection and help. Some parents choose one child to become a pseudo-parent to whom they can delegate their responsibilities. Some parents take advantage of their children while lying about them in the community. The list of problem parents is long and exhaustive, but the quandary is the same no matter the kind of parent involved: how do you honor a parent who does not behave honorably? Do such parents deserve honor?
There’s something interesting about this commandment, for it doesn’t have any provisos; it doesn’t give anyone a free pass if the parent in question behaves badly. God expects us to honor our parents, period. OUCH! We are to honor our parents, no matter how they behave. How can we give honor to someone who behaves dishonorably?
We should understand what honoring a parent does not mean. If you have an abusive parent of a parent who has treated you badly, you do not have to expose yourself so they can continue to abuse you, particularly if you might endanger yourself by doing so. You have a right to honor yourself as well as your parents, and self-preservation is still allowable. If the parent in question is verbally abusive or manipulative, you can maintain phone contact without getting close enough for them to reach you. You are not obligated to hand over sensitive financial information that will cause someone to bankrupt you or spoil your good name. Be very careful about allowing a manipulative parent to move in with you, for some families have found the manipulator trying to take over the household, draining the family finances.
You should do what you can to help your parent without shortchanging your own children. Favoring your parents over your children will only lead to generational abuse. If your parent truly needs help that you cannot afford to give, you can do everything possible to connect them with groups that can address those needs. You can encourage a drug addict or alcoholic to become involved with twelve step groups that can help them. You can make food bank runs if necessary. Explore any resources available in your parent’s vicinity.
Above all else, pray for your parents, asking God to bless them and to lead them into a close relationship with Him. The biggest blessing anyone can have is to accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. Never give up praying, for God can do far more than any of us can possibly imagine.
Years ago, I was working in a VA hospital on a surgery service. One of our most difficult patients was J. M., a diabetic with a severe infection in the sole of his foot. I was the one tasked with cleaning the dead tissue from that wound each morning, and my work was made worse by the patient cursing me while I was working. I continued to pray for God to bless J.M., and one Sunday, I was shocked and thrilled when he requested to attend the church service in the hospital. Eventually, I rotated onto another service and I never learned what happened with J.M.; however, that experience taught me that nobody is beyond the reach of God.
There are two parts to this commandment, and many times we ignore the second part. We are to honor our parents so that we may live long in the land the Lord our God gives us. Whether we like it or not, we bear our parents’ DNA. When we honor our parents, we are also honoring ourselves. When we fail to honor our parents or even curse our parents, we are bringing curses on ourselves, shortening our lives in the process. When we seek God’s guidance, He can direct us so that we can honor our parents without sacrificing our families and live long and happy lives.
May God help us so that we will find ways of honoring our parents, blessing them and leading them to Him.
PRAYER: Father God, thank You for loving us and caring for us. Lord, help us to honor our parents, even when they are difficult or dangerous. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
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