Matthew 5:31-32 Teaching about Divorce
31 “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’32 But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.
One of the hottest topics in Christian circles is the topic of divorce. Few issues are more painful. In 1979, Maria Anne Hirschmann wrote a book entitled Pease Don’t Shoot!: I’m Already Wounded: The Story of a Heartbreak and a Ministry. In that book, Hirschmann described her early life as an abandoned orphan in Czechoslovakia, her career as one of the Hitler Youth, her salvation experience and move to the U.S., and the joint ministry she had with her husband. The book title came from the rejection Hirschmann faced when her “perfect Christian marriage” fell apart and she found herself as a divorcee. Despite the fact that Hirschmann was not responsible for the factors that destroyed her marriage, suddenly Christians who had not experienced divorce rejected her, feeling quite superior.
In the U.S., approximately 40 to 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. This statistic has been widely cited, although recent data suggests that the actual divorce rate may be lower than previously thought. Current estimates indicate that about one-third of ever-married Americans have experienced a divorce, reflecting a shift from earlier projections. Additionally, divorce rates can vary significantly based on factors such as age at marriage, income level, and whether children are involved.
What does Jesus say about divorce? Furthermore, it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”
While this might seem harsh, we need more information. David Guzik, in his excellent Enduring Word Commentary says this:
a. It has been said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce”: In Jesus’ day, many people interpreted the Mosaic permission for divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1) as granting virtually any reason as grounds for divorce. Some rabbis taught this even extended to allowing a man to divorce his wife if she burnt his breakfast.
i. “Moses insisted upon ‘a writing of divorcement,’ that angry passions might have time to cool and that the separation, if it must come, might be performed with deliberation and legal formality. The requirement of a writing was to a certain degree a check upon an evil habit, which was so engrained in the people that to refuse it altogether would have been useless, and would only have created another crime.” (Spurgeon)
ii. Yet in Jesus’ day, this permission of Deuteronomy 24:1 had become an instrument of cruelty against wives. “The scribes busied themselves solely about getting the bill of separation into due legal form. They did nothing to restrain the unjust caprice of husbands; they rather opened a wider door to licence.” (Bruce)
iii. In that time, the permissible grounds for divorce were debated:
· School of Shammai: “Restricted the ‘some indecency’ of Deuteronomy 24:1 to refer only to a sexual misdemeanour authenticated by witnesses.” (France)
· School of Hillel: “Reputedly took it of any cause of complaint, even including burning the dinner.” (France)
b. Whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality: The issue of divorce revolved around a strict or loose interpretation of the word uncleanness in Deuteronomy 24:1. Those who wanted to make divorce easy had a loose interpretation. Jesus makes it plain that the idea of uncleanness is sexual immorality, not anything the wife might do to displease the husband.
i. Sexual immorality “translates porneia, the root meaning of which is ‘fornication’, but it is used more widely, so that it could include premarital unchastity, subsequently discovered.” (France)
ii. The teaching of Jesus on marriage and divorce is further explained in Matthew 19, but here we see the intent of Jesus: getting back to the intent of the law, instead of allowing it to be used as easy permission for divorce.
iii. “The Matthaean exceptive clause is not therefore introducing a new provision, but making explicit what any Jewish reader would have taken for granted when Jesus made the apparently unqualified pronouncements of Mark 10:9-12.” (France)
iv. This emphasis of Jesus on the permanency of marriage and the wrong of unjustified divorce went against the thinking of many in both the Jewish and the Gentile cultures. “In Greece we see a whole social system based on relationships outside marriage; we see that these relationships were accepted as natural and normal, and not in the least blameworthy.” Roman culture came to adopt this attitude towards marriage. (Barclay)
c. Causes her to commit adultery: An illegitimate divorce gives place to adultery because God doesn’t recognize the divorce, and sees a new relationship as bigamous. It is possible for a person to have a divorce that is recognized by the state, but not by God. If that person goes on to marry someone else, God considers that relationship adultery because He sees them as still married.
Both my husband and I are previously divorced and remarried, having celebrated our 44th anniversary a few months ago. At the time we were married to other people, neither of us was a dedicated Christian. Technically, our divorces had Biblical grounds, for they involved adultery and also emotional instability. When my current husband was divorced, he was a heathen. When I was divorced, I was a church member, trying to fake my faith. I tried to involve my first husband in marriage counseling, only for him to steadfastly refuse. After four years, an unexpected set of circumstances revealed that the relationship I thought was based on mutual love was actually based on lies. Differences that had seemed minor proved to be impossible to overcome. I continued to sacrifice until it became evident that I had to separate to survive. I did not give up on the marriage lightly, but I finally felt I had no choice. While I did not suffer physical abuse, there was emotional manipulation.
Do either my husband or I recommend divorce? Not at all! If you take vows before God, you should do everything you can to keep those vows. If there is any way you can get godly counseling and save a marriage, do so! Divorce is as bad as the death of a loved one, but in addition, there’s no body to bury. Many times, divorce results in being shunned by mutual friends. Children of divorced parents may hesitate to commit themselves, fearing that they too will wind up divorced. Children
Through the years, we have suffered for our previously divorced status. Our first mission group put us on two years’ probation due to our status as previously divorced people. We have endured slanders and snubs from individuals who have not taken the time to learn any details but who have jumped to unwarranted conclusions. Meanwhile, we have continued to grow closer to one another and to God. Not only is my husband my best friend but he has also taught me all kinds of things I would never have learned without him.
What about forgiveness? The website https://www.jesus-everyday.com/when-can-christians-divorce/ gives this perspective, one with which my husband and I agree:
Understanding the Role of Forgiveness in Christian Marriages
When it comes to the topic of divorce in Christian marriages, there is often a lot of confusion and differing opinions. Some believe that divorce should never be an option for Christians, while others believe that there are certain circumstances where divorce is permissible. So, when can Christians divorce?
First and foremost, it’s important to understand the role of forgiveness in Christian marriages. Forgiveness is a key component of any healthy relationship, and it plays a crucial role in the success of a marriage. In the Bible, we are called to forgive others as God has forgiven us. This means that we should be willing to forgive our spouses for their mistakes and shortcomings, just as God forgives us for our sins.
However, forgiveness does not mean that we should tolerate abuse or mistreatment in our marriages. If a spouse is being physically, emotionally, or mentally abusive, it is not only acceptable but necessary to seek help and potentially end the marriage. God does not condone abuse in any form, and it is important to prioritize your safety and well-being above all else.
Another circumstance where divorce may be permissible is in cases of infidelity. Adultery is a serious breach of trust in a marriage, and it can be incredibly difficult to move past. While some couples are able to work through infidelity with counseling and a commitment to rebuilding trust, others may find that the damage is irreparable. In cases of repeated infidelity or a lack of remorse from the offending spouse, divorce may be the best option for both parties.
Ultimately, the decision to divorce is a personal one that should be made prayerfully and with the guidance of trusted spiritual advisors. It is important to seek counsel from pastors, counselors, and other wise individuals who can help you navigate the complexities of divorce in a Christian context. Remember that God’s grace is sufficient for all situations, and He will never leave you or forsake you, no matter what path you choose.
In conclusion, the question of when Christians can divorce is a complex one that requires careful consideration and discernment. While forgiveness is a central tenet of the Christian faith, it is important to remember that forgiveness does not mean tolerating abuse or staying in a toxic marriage. In cases of abuse or infidelity, divorce may be a necessary step towards healing and restoration. Trust in God’s plan for your life, and know that He will guide you through even the most difficult of circumstances.
PRAYER: Father God, thank You for loving us and caring for us. Lord, please help us to do everything we can to make our marriages healthy and strong. Please guide those who find themselves caught in toxic situations so that they will have wisdom to make the best and safest choices. In the mighty and precious Name of King Jesus. Amen.
